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Relationships

My take on boundaries

Over the past few months, there’s one particular theme that has been showing up in many of my Sessions: Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. So, I thought I’d write an info-post today and let you know where to look if you’re wondering whether your boundaries have any holes in them, so to speak.  

In every type of relationship field, keeping your boundaries healthy and strong is vital to keeping those relationships fun – both in your private life, and at work. And there are a few clear signs that can point you to the areas where those boundaries in your relationship fields may be less than good. 

Let me give you some examples to show you what I mean when I talk about boundaries that are non-existent (or less-than-fully-intact) – and as you read along, “take the quiz”, if you like, and see if any of these issues ring a bell.

What boundary issues can look like: 

  • Other people’s problems tend to get washed into your energetic space, and you are busy cleaning up after those problems, even though they are not yours
  • You can feel other people’s emotions and states of mind as if they were your own, and this experience exhausts you
  • Some people seem to be throwing all kinds of energetic “darts” at you, and you tend to spend a lot of energy trying to protect yourself from those attacks (e.g. you feel the need to retreat more often than what would feel normal for you; or, when you are in a meeting with these kinds of people, much of your mental bandwidth is spent trying hard not to show any signs of weakness so you won’t get attacked) 
  • Your conversations with someone you’re close to seem to be not-quite-honest and you’re having a hard time talking about your actual needs & desires with the other person, even though you like them a lot
  • You keep noticing that you’re living out your parents’ or your ancestors’ values in certain areas of your life, even though those values don’t actually match yours
  • When you’re at a family function, you are having difficulties being yourself, and instead, you keep falling back into old behavioural patterns you’ve been meaning to release
  • When trying to explore certain relationship issues, your intuition seems to be blocked, and you are not receiving any clear guidance when it comes to those issues
  • There is a certain group of relationships in your life (e.g. friendships, siblings) that seem to be under the (negative) influence of a certain person, and their influence seems to trigger certain conflict dynamics within the group that create an unusual amount of stress between you
  • You keep sliding into conflict with someone (at work) even though the “official rules” that exist for that kind of relationship should foster more of a peaceful co-existence

None of these “symptoms” are unusual, and I made this list drawing from my clients’ experiences as well as from my personal life. Because those issues are very common. 

And they are all resolvable. 

One very elegant solution for these kinds of issues is to work on your energies. Setting up your boundaries in an energetic way, then testing them by observing the real-life results they create, and then improving them based on those results – if needed – can help you transform those issues, sustainably.

And this energetic solution is often much more effective in creating good boundaries than conversations (alone) would be.  

So if my list, above, feels familiar, and you would like to work on your boundaries, try my Two-Session Boundary Special, here (or, book yourself an Intro Consultation, here, if this is your first time working with me).

And then let’s set up some beautiful new boundary energies for you. 

Are we all clairvoyant?

Years ago, when I was working with a spiritual healer for the first time, I was so envious of the ways in which she talked to her Guides. She literally saw them sitting in a circle around her, and it was so easy for her to receive their messages.

My healer at the time was highly clairvoyant, meaning: The easiest way for her to connect with her Guides / her soul is to see images in her third eye. She receives meaningful images there, and her third eye is basically her intuitive news channel.

And I so wanted to see those images, too! But every time I tried to connect with my Guides / my soul through my third eye – I didn’t see a thing. No images, no news.

Until I noticed that there was a different channel I could use that was working just fine: My “claircognizance” – clear knowing. Which often works non-verbally, and which isn’t as image-rich as clairvoyance.

In other words: I had been so fixated on testing out my third eye that I had ignored my easiest access to my inner wisdom – because I didn’t know that my intuition could speak to me in that way. And all of a sudden, I could perfectly “hear” my Guides and my soul, and things got really interesting, really quick.

Do we all have access to our intuitive wisdom?

Yes.

Are we all clairvoyant?

To a degree.

But: Everybody’s intuitive channels work differently.

So your third eye might not be your strongest option.

From my work with my clients I can safely say that everybody’s access to their intuition is as personal as our fingerprints, and it pays off to explore the ways in which your inner voice is speaking to you – and don’t be surprised if your inner voice is no voice at all, but rather an inner download, or a physical sensation that carries meaning, for example.

Here’s an offer for you if you’d like to explore your own intuitive channels:

My private, customised, 12-Session one-on-one program called “Your Inner Wisdom System” is going into its second year.

In three rounds of 4 Sessions each, you will learn how to use your intuitive channels, communicate with your Guides, ask your soul for guidance, and ground yourself & hold your energetic boundaries well. We will dive deep into the shimmering seas of your inner wisdom, and you will learn how to practice good energy hygiene and set up energising self-care rituals, at the same time. And once we’re through with those 12 Sessions, you will be the proud owner of a beautiful collection of spiritual tools which you will be able to use in any situation – consciously, and purposefully – to make decisions from a place of deep self-knowing and integrity.

You will truly get to know all the facets of who you are. And you will know how to ask for guidance – in particular, guidance coming from “your team”, i.e. those Guides & helping spirits that are here to support you, personally.

Have a look at all the details of what we will cover, here.

And if you feel that my Inner Wisdom System program speaks to you, book yourself a non-binding Intro Consultation with me, held via Zoom, here.

In this first conversation, you will get a first taste of what my program can do for you. And if you like my hors d’œuvre, we’ll discuss the whole menu.

Talk soon!

Quiz: Who is in your inner circle?

Polarities are a normal thing in relationships. It means that you can differentiate the people in your life depending on where they stand, relative to you – emotionally speaking, and when it comes to both of your souls: Are they far away (on an imaginary pole on the opposite side of the globe, so to speak), are they very close to you, or are they somewhere in mid-distance?

Far away would translate to “I wouldn’t speak to them even if we were the last people on earth”.

Close by would mean “I can easily imagine spending the rest of my life with this person (as romantic partners, friends, or business partners, etc.).”

And mid-distance would mean “I can’t say I’m really interested in that person, but they’re ok, I guess.”

This polarity between us is a spectrum ranging from incompatible relationships to true soul mates, and only very few people in your life actually exist on either extreme. Most of the folks you spend your time with are probably somewhere in mid-distance: Not completely incompatible with who you are, but not a member of your inner circle, either.

(By the way: What I find really interesting about this phenomenon is that this kind of polarity only ever mirrors back the very subjective relationship between two souls. And that each person builds their own pole. In other words: This thing cannot be transferred onto groups. There is no “us versus them” dynamic here. Only “You and I: Do we actually like each other?”)

Because most of us are very polite, we often spend a lot of time trying to appeal to those who are mid-distance or even incompatible to us.

But there’s a problem: These people are just as indifferent to you as you are to them.

Which means that the more energy you spend trying to convince them of your nice-ness, your competence, and your coolness, the less time you have to spend with those you don’t actually have to convince of anything, because they already like you: Your soul mates. Your inner circle. Those humans who energize you, who love you, trust you, respect everything about you. Those who would love to spend more time with you on your pole. Because your pole happens to be compatible with theirs.

Those are the people who love you – platonically, romantically, or in that beautiful co-creative way.

Those with whom you can feel that you can be yourself, and that you belong.

Those who admire your strengths and who would love to create extraordinary projects and relationships with you.

Below is a little quiz for you to help you sound out how this polarity shows up in your relationships, and to help you figure out who in your life is part of your inner circle.

Per round, pick on person in your mind. Answer each question with Yes or No, and see what comes up.

If your answer to a question is neither Yes nor No, the person you are taking the quiz on is neither fully compatible, nor at an opposite pole from you – but your hesitance to reply with a clear Yes or No will give you more clarity. 

Enjoy!

Take the Quiz: Who is in your inner circle?

  1. Are you and that person often engaged in wild discussions that make you feel like you have to prove to them that your needs and desires are valid?
  2. If you were able to swap places, would you want to see the world through their eyes for an hour?
  3. Do you often get angry when you think about that person?
  4. Do you find it difficult to talk to them about your professional successes or about your personal disappointments?
  5. Do you like looking into their eyes?
  6. Does your body relax when you are alone in a room with them?
  7. Do you think this person has remarkable talents that you would like to help boost, in some way?
  8. Are you extraordinarily happy when you see that person after a long time of being apart?
  9. Would you describe your conversations with that person as “unusually interesting”?
  10. Do you share an emotional bond with that person that lets you freely share your ideas and thoughts about the world with them, without feeling the need to hide any aspect of who you are?
  11. Has that person ever intentionally violated your boundaries in any way?
  12. Do you love, trust and respect that person unconditionally?

Key:

  1. (Yes: opposite pole / No: inner circle)
  2. (Yes: inner circle / No: opposite pole)
  3. (Yes: opposite pole / No: inner circle)
  4. (Yes: opposite pole / No: inner circle)
  5. (Yes: inner circle / No: opposite pole)
  6. (Yes: inner circle / No: opposite pole)
  7. (Yes: inner circle / No: opposite pole)
  8. (Yes: inner circle / No: opposite pole)
  9. (Yes: inner circle / No: opposite pole)
  10. (Yes: inner circle / No: opposite pole)
  11. (Yes: opposite pole / No: inner circle)
  12. (Yes: inner circle / No: opposite pole)

How to feel loved

Lilly Mackuth How to feel loved Blog Post

Happy Valentine’s, darlings!

Do you know how to feel loved?

If you’re not sure, I’ve got you.

Try this:

Step 1: Center and ground yourself, and get yourself into a meditative state. (Here is a link to a manual, if you’d like one.)

Step 2: Now, ask your Team (i.e. your Guides etc., your Soul and the Earth) to help you sense-see-feel your personal energetic frequency of love. Feel it take up space inside of you, and as you do, notice the various sensations that are coming up in your body: Does love feel like freshness, peace, or expansion to you? Is your body relaxing into it? Does it feel easy for you to hold that energy of love inside of you?

Step 3: Then, ask your Team to release any and all energies from your system that are not yours, but which had been clinging onto your personal perception of love up until now. Ask your Team to completely dissolve those energies for you (since those never authentically belonged to you in the first place). What do you notice?

Step 4: Now do the corresponding opposite of what I just described: Ask your Team to call back all energies which do belong to your own authentic frequency of love – but which had been scattered elsewhere up until now. Ask your Team to fill you up on those (your) energies. What are you sensing?

Step 5: To finish, breathe into your newly refreshed frequency of love, and ask your body to integrate this updated version into your system. Feel the depth of that love. Bask in the beauty of being able to tune into that deeply delicious experience of feeling loved at any given moment.

Bonus: Notice how the feelings you have for the people you really really like naturally match the frequency of love which you just so beautifully expanded within yourself.

Sending big Valentine Love!  

An altruist’s edge

In my coaching practice, I often work with people who are altruists, who are also fantastically good at bringing people together. They are the queens and kings of party-throwing. They plan beautiful projects with dozens of people involved. They see these projects through till the end. And they sacrifice some of their own well-being for the sake of being of service to others. They see where our human society lacks justice, beauty and peace, and then they work hard to literally make this world a better place. They get things done. And they are over-worked and under-nourished when it comes to their heart’s deeper needs and desires.

If this is you, here’s an edge you are carrying around, probably without knowing it: You have such a deep longing for being with other people that you create elaborate experiences for others just so you can connect with with them – at the expense of your own time and energy.

The mere act of bringing people together – by inviting a diverse team of professionals to join you for a new project you just plucked out of your highly creative brain, or by having your friends come sit around your kitchen table at brunch – is highly fulfilling for you.

But the thought that you could connect with others “without a purpose” is probably deeply uncomfortable for you.

Imagine you would meet with someone just to spend time with them.

To have coffee with a friend, with no other agenda than to chat for a while and to feel well in each other’s presence.

And to then not invite that friend over to your place.

To then also not pay for a whole party and invite all of your other friends, too.

To just say to someone: “Hey, I would love to see you. Are you free on Friday?”

And to not have this coffee date be about anything else but connection.

If you are feeling a psychological edge when you imagine going there: Good. Play with that edge. Feel its shape and size, and sense where this experience starts making you feel uncomfortable: As soon as you imagine calling your friend? When you imagine that there’s no deeper meaning behind that date, that you would just like to spend time with them? When you imagine that you won’t be paying for your friend’s coffee, only for the one you are going to have, yourself?

Sense where you have a tendency to over-give, and where you feel uncomfortable around receiving the gift of spending time with someone you love.

And then call your friend anyway.

Let this be awkward.

You are trying something new.

The Love-Trust-Respect Triangle

“Imagine a world where your closest relationships are built on Love-Trust-Respect. Now compare that world to your current reality. What do you see?” – #InnerWisdomSystem

In my work, I often come across an energetic triangle of love, trust and respect. It seems to build a solid foundation for our most precious relationships, and when one of its three building blocks is missing, things tend to feel a bit… wonky.

For example, if you are in a friendship where love is missing, you probably feel like you’re constantly negotiating business deals. Here’s what that could look like: Person C: “If you do X for me, I will do Y for you.” – Person D: “Ok, but only if you promise you won’t do Z in front of everybody.” Exhausting, no?

If you are in a romantic relationship where you don’t trust your partner, you might be suspicious of their motives. Imagine this dialogue: Person A: “Why would you go to that gig without me?” – Person B: “Why would you want to come? You don’t even like that kind of music.” A lack of trust creates this kind of tension. Deep trust would make A and B celebrate their differences.

If you are in a relationship that lacks respect, you won’t see one another clearly, and repeated anger patterns can become part of your conversations. An (exaggerated) version of this could sound like this: Person E: “I love you, I trust you, but really, I think you should be doing something else with your life.” – Person F: “Oh really? Look who’s talking! Like you were only ever happy in your career?!?” Respect sounds different.

Have a look at your closest personal relationships. Are the energies of love, trust and respect all present there? Can you sense that all three would like to support you?

How would you like to increase your capacity for love, trust and respect – within yourself, first, and then, also, within your various relationships?

Your soul has an inner structure

Just as a dry little seed holds the full DNA of a flower, your soul’s innate structure holds all the information on who you are.

A flower’s DNA holds information on how its plant will react to floods or droughts, how it will play with bees and other pollinators, how it will copy its inner system and create new generations of plants, and so on.

It’s a very neutral process of growth, bloom, death and rebirth that plays out every day, right outside our windows.

Similarly, your soul’s inner structure knows who you are.

Its inner wisdom knows how you will react to the societal challenges you grow up in, how you will move through joyful or traumatic experiences, how you will connect with souls that are compatible to yours, how you will give birth to new ideas, etc.

In order to make sense of your soul’s structure, what’s required of you is to learn how to tune in, connect to your soul and download its wisdom. Your body is aware of that wisdom, your heart is, too, but your mind may have its doubts about the details.

And since we live in a very brain-focused world, your mind needs to be made conscious of certain truths within you for you to be able to actively live as yourself.

Try this:

Get yourself into a centered, meditative state and bring your awareness into your line of light, as it flows up and down your spine, down to the heart of earth, and up to the center of your soul, in a never-ending loop.

Once you’re tuned into that line of light, ask your #innerwisdomsystem to send you an energetic image of your soul’s original structure, and receive it through your mind’s eye.

Meditate on that image.

See if you can make out your soul’s colours and inner workings.

Watch how it reacts when other souls are in its vicinity.

Ask your soul some simple questions and fine-tune your inner senses to receive its answers.

What do you notice?

To close, gently focus on the way your body is breathing, feel your feet on the ground, wiggle your toes, and come back to your here and now.

Image:
One of my Symmetric Light Series pieces: Green lichen growing on an old piece of pink concrete
©️ Lilly Mackuth, 2018

Time and space are irrelevant.

Energy Work works across time and space.

You can send forgiveness across generations.

You can send healing energies back through time and help your past lives find peace. (Which, in turn, will make your present self feel better.)

You can receive detailed visions from your future self and see who you could become.

You can tune into the energetics of your relationships and let your inner senses show you how to heal and transform those connections.

Your consciousness can do all of that for you. And more.

Contact me if that sounds interesting.

You’ve been here before

The patterns you are experiencing in your relationships often date back hundreds of years. You meet and re-meet certain souls again and again, lifetime after lifetime, until you have learned to stay in integrity with yourself, in all of your relationships.

For example, with some souls, you learn how to set boundaries.

With others, you learn how to fall in love.

With others, still, you learn how to collaborate, negotiate, and create new ways of living.

Of course, this also means that meeting some particular souls will make you feel uncomfortable.

Some souls will push you into fighting for your freedom. It is not their intention to set you free, but in a twisted way, they will help you free yourself from manipulation so you can live a self-determined life. Do not allow the bullies, the gas lighters or the violent ones to crush your free will. Look for allies. We are everywhere.

Some souls you will have to deliberately invite into your life so you can learn how to love, even if that means that your vulnerabilities, anxieties and panic attacks will show up uninvited, too. Unfortunately, love doesn’t come if those three can’t come, too.

But, when panic attacks arise and they are triggered by joy, not by trauma, your heart is leading you into the dreams you didn’t dare to dream.

Let the souls who love you, love you, even if it feels almost overwhelmingly glorious.

And then there are souls who will lead you directly into facing your blind spots, and your ego will probably want to freeze and play dead. These souls will help you understand where your cultural biases are, where your privilege has made a comfortable nest for itself, and where you are not taking full responsibility for your actions.

Let this be uncomfortable. Learn. Grow. Let those souls be your teachers.

We live in a time where those ancient, repeated relationship patterns are coming up to the surface. To be examined by the light of day. And to be fully understood.

If you would like to get a soul history perspective and find out what your relationship patterns mean, and how you can transform them, let’s talk. I can help you see clearly.

Love is not governed by the mind

The four subtle chambers of your heart hold deep wisdom for you. They also hold the patterns of your current relationship with love. And they know which energy medicine is needed in order for you to compassionately heal your relationship with love.

Hardly anyone of us grew up in an environment that was infused with actual love.

And the patterns our ancestors laid out before us do not work for the times we are living in.

Love is not governed by the mind, and yet, our minds often try to convince us that there must be a reasonable step-by-step guide that we can follow to be in love, and that there surely is such a thing as a “proven method” for us to master this game, once and for all.

The heart knows another way. It would like to take you inwards and lead you on a much more subtle journey, on a much more mystical ride than the mind would like love to be. The mind’s tools do not work in this realm.

To love and be loved means to let your heart lead you. And it means to be in true relationship with yourself, with the ones you want to spend your time with, and with the world as such – as brutal as it is, sometimes.

Contact me if you’d be interested in exploring the four mystical chambers of your heart and go on this ancient healing journey with me. I would be honoured to serve you in this way.