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Quiz: Who is in your inner circle?

Polarities are a normal thing in relationships. It means that you can differentiate the people in your life depending on where they stand, relative to you – emotionally speaking, and when it comes to both of your souls: Are they far away (on an imaginary pole on the opposite side of the globe, so to speak), are they very close to you, or are they somewhere in mid-distance?

Far away would translate to “I wouldn’t speak to them even if we were the last people on earth”.

Close by would mean “I can easily imagine spending the rest of my life with this person (as romantic partners, friends, or business partners, etc.).”

And mid-distance would mean “I can’t say I’m really interested in that person, but they’re ok, I guess.”

This polarity between us is a spectrum ranging from incompatible relationships to true soul mates, and only very few people in your life actually exist on either extreme. Most of the folks you spend your time with are probably somewhere in mid-distance: Not completely incompatible with who you are, but not a member of your inner circle, either.

(By the way: What I find really interesting about this phenomenon is that this kind of polarity only ever mirrors back the very subjective relationship between two souls. And that each person builds their own pole. In other words: This thing cannot be transferred onto groups. There is no “us versus them” dynamic here. Only “You and I: Do we actually like each other?”)

Because most of us are very polite, we often spend a lot of time trying to appeal to those who are mid-distance or even incompatible to us.

But there’s a problem: These people are just as indifferent to you as you are to them.

Which means that the more energy you spend trying to convince them of your nice-ness, your competence, and your coolness, the less time you have to spend with those you don’t actually have to convince of anything, because they already like you: Your soul mates. Your inner circle. Those humans who energize you, who love you, trust you, respect everything about you. Those who would love to spend more time with you on your pole. Because your pole happens to be compatible with theirs.

Those are the people who love you – platonically, romantically, or in that beautiful co-creative way.

Those with whom you can feel that you can be yourself, and that you belong.

Those who admire your strengths and who would love to create extraordinary projects and relationships with you.

Below is a little quiz for you to help you sound out how this polarity shows up in your relationships, and to help you figure out who in your life is part of your inner circle.

Per round, pick on person in your mind. Answer each question with Yes or No, and see what comes up.

If your answer to a question is neither Yes nor No, the person you are taking the quiz on is neither fully compatible, nor at an opposite pole from you – but your hesitance to reply with a clear Yes or No will give you more clarity. 


Take the Quiz: Who is in your inner circle?

  1. Are you and that person often engaged in wild discussions that make you feel like you have to prove to them that your needs and desires are valid?
  2. If you were able to swap places, would you want to see the world through their eyes for an hour?
  3. Do you often get angry when you think about that person?
  4. Do you find it difficult to talk to them about your professional successes or about your personal disappointments?
  5. Do you like looking into their eyes?
  6. Does your body relax when you are alone in a room with them?
  7. Do you think this person has remarkable talents that you would like to help boost, in some way?
  8. Are you extraordinarily happy when you see that person after a long time of being apart?
  9. Would you describe your conversations with that person as “unusually interesting”?
  10. Do you share an emotional bond with that person that lets you freely share your ideas and thoughts about the world with them, without feeling the need to hide any aspect of who you are?
  11. Has that person ever intentionally violated your boundaries in any way?
  12. Do you love, trust and respect that person unconditionally?


  1. (Yes: opposite pole / No: inner circle)
  2. (Yes: inner circle / No: opposite pole)
  3. (Yes: opposite pole / No: inner circle)
  4. (Yes: opposite pole / No: inner circle)
  5. (Yes: inner circle / No: opposite pole)
  6. (Yes: inner circle / No: opposite pole)
  7. (Yes: inner circle / No: opposite pole)
  8. (Yes: inner circle / No: opposite pole)
  9. (Yes: inner circle / No: opposite pole)
  10. (Yes: inner circle / No: opposite pole)
  11. (Yes: opposite pole / No: inner circle)
  12. (Yes: inner circle / No: opposite pole)