Over the past few months, there’s one particular theme that has been showing up in many of my Sessions: Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. So, I thought I’d write an info-post today and let you know where to look if you’re wondering whether your boundaries have any holes in them, so to speak.
In every type of relationship field, keeping your boundaries healthy and strong is vital to keeping those relationships fun – both in your private life, and at work. And there are a few clear signs that can point you to the areas where those boundaries in your relationship fields may be less than good.
Let me give you some examples to show you what I mean when I talk about boundaries that are non-existent (or less-than-fully-intact) – and as you read along, “take the quiz”, if you like, and see if any of these issues ring a bell.
What boundary issues can look like:
- Other people’s problems tend to get washed into your energetic space, and you are busy cleaning up after those problems, even though they are not yours
- You can feel other people’s emotions and states of mind as if they were your own, and this experience exhausts you
- Some people seem to be throwing all kinds of energetic “darts” at you, and you tend to spend a lot of energy trying to protect yourself from those attacks (e.g. you feel the need to retreat more often than what would feel normal for you; or, when you are in a meeting with these kinds of people, much of your mental bandwidth is spent trying hard not to show any signs of weakness so you won’t get attacked)
- Your conversations with someone you’re close to seem to be not-quite-honest and you’re having a hard time talking about your actual needs & desires with the other person, even though you like them a lot
- You keep noticing that you’re living out your parents’ or your ancestors’ values in certain areas of your life, even though those values don’t actually match yours
- When you’re at a family function, you are having difficulties being yourself, and instead, you keep falling back into old behavioural patterns you’ve been meaning to release
- When trying to explore certain relationship issues, your intuition seems to be blocked, and you are not receiving any clear guidance when it comes to those issues
- There is a certain group of relationships in your life (e.g. friendships, siblings) that seem to be under the (negative) influence of a certain person, and their influence seems to trigger certain conflict dynamics within the group that create an unusual amount of stress between you
- You keep sliding into conflict with someone (at work) even though the “official rules” that exist for that kind of relationship should foster more of a peaceful co-existence
None of these “symptoms” are unusual, and I made this list drawing from my clients’ experiences as well as from my personal life. Because those issues are very common.
And they are all resolvable.
One very elegant solution for these kinds of issues is to work on your energies. Setting up your boundaries in an energetic way, then testing them by observing the real-life results they create, and then improving them based on those results – if needed – can help you transform those issues, sustainably.
And this energetic solution is often much more effective in creating good boundaries than conversations (alone) would be.
And then let’s set up some beautiful new boundary energies for you.